As the second film in my almost-belatedly-realized “Great Chemistry” theme, I went with something that ought to go against every fiber in my being – a RomCom. But, to its credit, it’s probably my favorite RomCom of all time, so there is that.

Since the film centers so completely around the institution of marriage, I popped into my Kids In The Hall library and found a triptych they did on what can only be labeled as the worst wedding reception ever. The first skit, entitled “Wedding Virgin” on the box, is nowhere to be found on the webs, so you’ll have to take my word that it involves a toaster whose comments center around the idea that the bride is lucky that times have changed with regards to chastity and marriage. So…classy. It only gets worse, and you can watch the latter two, called “Wedding Toast” and “Wedding Objection”, respectively.

And now that that little bit of hilarity is out of the way, we can get to the week’s feature presentation – 1998’s The Wedding Singer, directed by Frank Coraci.

I’ll admit – I don’t like Adam Sandler much, and I don’t like RomComs much, and I’m usually pretty peeved when I know exactly how a movie is going to end within the first three minutes and I have to sit down and watch the whole thing anyway. (Titanic, anyone?  Guess what?  THE BOAT IS GOING TO SINK!  AND KATE WINSLET ISN’T GOING TO DROWN BECAUSE SHE’S TELLING IT IN A FLASHBACK.  AND LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS GOING TO DROWN, BECAUSE DUH.  Now can I please have those three hours of my life back?)  But that said, I am perfectly willing to watch The Wedding Singer over and over and over because the chemistry between Sandler and Barrymore is so great (and I have to admit I’ve got a real crush on Drew Barrymore and her crooked face in this film).

So let’s get right to it, shall we?

Yes, George, they will really want to hurt you very soon...

Yes, George, they will really want to hurt you very soon…

This is Robbie Hart, a kinda dorky guy currently working as a wedding singer (naturally).  He’s kind of good at what he does.

adsab

But if I tell them to have the fish, who will land the reception hall?

This is Julia Sullivan.  She’s new in town, and she’s waitressing at the venue where Robbie does a lot of his work.  Aside from a fairly long credits sequence, the movie doesn’t waste much time getting into the meet-cute.  Julia steps outside onto the loading dock for some air, Robbie ushers out a drunk teen so he can puke in the dumpster without his parents knowing that he’s been hitting the open bar, and the fate of the movie is decided.  Of course, it’s not going to be without a few bumps in the road.

The first bump is that Robbie is getting married in a week.  How ever can we get rid of this bump?

asdvas

I can’t marry you because someday you’d want me to change my hairstyle and the ’80s will live forever, man!

Well, we can get rid of that bump by having Robbie’s fiancé Linda leave him standing at the altar.  That’ll do.  She explains shortly thereafter that she realizes that she’s in love with six-years-ago Robbie, the front man of a rock band with the spandex and the lights, and that she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with Robbie, the wedding singer schlub who can’t provide for her.  Fair enough, I suppose, but as Robbie so poignantly points out, this is information that she could have brought to his attention yesterday.

Hey Crockett, wanna see my Tubbs?

Hey Crockett, wanna see my Tubbs?

The second bump is that Julia is engaged to a boorish businessman by the name of Glenn Guglia (the second – well, third, I guess) ‘g’ is silent.  This bump is going to take a little more getting rid of, despite the facts that Glenn has exactly zero redeeming qualities and that if she marries him her name is going to be Julia Guglia.  But Glenn’s complete lack of moral character and his shameless bragging to Robbie about sleeping around on Julia before they’re even married do mean that we feel absolutely no remorse when Julia finally dumps him for the real man of her dreams.  But I get ahead of myself.

vawevwE

I’ve been watching a lot of Howard Beale lately, and…

Naturally, Robbie’s wedding gigs start to go a bit south once his own wedding has crashed and burned.  Julia, the kind and considerate soul that she is, tries to help take his mind off of it by…well, asking him to help her with her wedding arrangements because Glenn is “so busy”.  (Also, Glenn “doesn’t give a rat’s ass”, but that’s not terribly relevant.)  They begin to spend a lot of time together, and as the leads in a RomCom do, they begin to fall for each other.

Church Tongue gets the Church Lady seal of approval!

Church Tongue gets the Church Lady seal of approval!

They even get the chance to awkwardly smooch, as Julia, trying to explain to her slutty cousin the concept of “church tongue” for the I-pronounce-you-man-and-wife kiss, ends up needing a demonstration partner.  All that is really left for the formula here is the typical misunderstanding leading to an argument (Robbie thinks Julia is marrying Glenn for his money and goes out to try to find a job in high finance), the typical misinterpreted signal (Robbie, decided on confessing his love, sees Julia fitting her wedding dress at her window smiling and happy, and thinks that she’s imagining Glenn when of course she’s imagining him)…

But I'll bet Sammy Hagar can drive 5150!

But I’ll bet Sammy Hagar CAN drive 5150!

…the typical ex-girlfriend shows up and makes it look like she’s back on that saddle (and after Julia came over to Robbie’s to confess HER love only a day before her wedding!), and of course, the typical Billy Idol Saves The Day scene.

A White Wedding joke is really the equivalent of a Cop/Donut joke at this point, so I won't.

A White Wedding joke is really the equivalent of a Cop/Donut joke at this point, so I won’t.

No, really.  Crushed by the idea that Robbie is back with Linda, Julia impulsively gives in to her anger and tells Glenn she wants to hop a plane, NOW, and get married in Vegas (this was Glenn’s preferred route all along).  Fortunately, Slutty Cousin has caught on to the whole thing and gives this info to Robbie, who grabs the final (first class) ticket on the day’s last flight to Vegas, hoping to somehow find Julia among the uncountable chapels of Sin City before she Guglias herself.  But with a bit of a pep talk from the day’s leatheriest rocker and the sudden realization that Julia and Glenn are on the very same plane, Billy provides the muscle (and loans out his guitar), Robbie provides the song, and the movie pretty much jumps straight to happily ever after.

yes i said yes i will yes

yes i said yes i will yes

I mean, just look at how happy she is!  How can you not be overwhelmed by warm fuzzies?  The End.

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